How I Became Mindful, Positive and Happy

Overall, I’ve had a very good life. I have had some difficult, challenging and traumatic times however. I’ve made mistakes, poor judgements and had my heart broken. I’ve always been striving to be happy; as if that was a place I had to get to. I thought that by achieving certain things in my life there would come a point that I would finally feel happy and content. And then I’d get there and realise that I wasn’t happy and content and things weren’t as they seem. So off I’d go again trying to find whatever it was I was looking for, every time being wracked with guilt, worry and anxiety about where I was actually heading.

At the beginning of 2015, I had a moment of clarity. I realised that searching for happiness was fine when I had all of my years ahead of me. When you’re 20 it feels like you may live forever. At the age of 33 for the first time in my life, it began to hit me that life is really short. I may not have another 10 years or so ahead of me to find whatever it was I was looking for. Even if I did, do I really want to spend another 10 years looking instead of living?

So there it was - my epiphany and this is how I achieved it.

1. Happiness is a journey not a destination – This is not my quote, but one that is very powerful and true. You can’t arrive at ‘Happy’ unpack and expect to live there forever. Life is challenging and can be tough for a lot of people. Happiness is not going to be your only emotion all of the time.

2. Forgiveness – If you’ve made mistakes, hurt people, or been hurt, it is time to forgive and let go. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a physical act of saying “I forgive you”. It can just be to not allow someone else’s actions hold you back and weigh you down anymore. It may be that you need to forgive yourself too.

3. Connect with people through your commonalities not your differences – Accept people for who they are, and appreciate what that person brings to your life. Be thankful for the different people you have in your life. Focus on what you do have in common with them rather than what you don’t. Use your energy to convey your feelings, this is often more useful that what we say or do. Support people’s passions and personal choices, extend your respect to everyone.

4. Be prepared to grow and change – What’s the point in having a mind if you cannot change it? Challenge your views and opinions; educate yourself on different matters and topics. Don’t impose your views on everyone however; you can do your own thing peacefully whilst still accepting all of life’s realities and beliefs. Accept that not everything you do in life will become a passion. We are so often asked as children what we want to be when we grow up as if we have to choose one thing e.g. “a doctor”, “a ballet dancer”, “an astronaut”, “an artist”. It’s OK as an adult to still want to be “a ballet dancing, blogger on space travel, with a degree in medicine but a passion for art”.

5. Slow life down – Look around you. How often have you travelled somewhere and barely noticed the journey or anyone around you? How many times have you ate a meal and had to eat it so quickly that you barely noticed the taste and texture? Sometimes we need to slow things down to be able to see past our own noses. Pay attention to the world around you, a child’s laughter, a tree rustling in the wind on a cold windy day, the old man walking across the road, the mysterious looking house around the corner, and the smell of smoke from a chimney. If we can miss these things that are happening around us, it could be so easy to miss important messages about our life, our relationships and our health.

6. See the good and positive in everything – We know that life can be cruel. You may have had an awful experience personally, or are just deeply empathic and aware of awful things that happen around the world and sometimes on our doorsteps. But I still believe that there is more ‘good’ in the world than bad. Don’t concentrate on the bad, we all know it is there but think of the unsung heroes, the life-savers and the compassion and love in the world.

7. Be kind – There is a song by Jewel (an Alaskan folk singer) and a lyric which has always stuck in my mind is “Only kindness matters in the end”. Strip away our appearance and materialistic things and what we have left is our kindness. That is what we’ll be remembered for.

8. Be the best person you can possibly be within the constraints or freedoms that you have – You don’t need to have the money, education or time that you may think. You can still be the best version of yourself. You don’t have to be the best at what you do, just be the best possible ‘you’. But be prepared to change, challenge, accept, forgive, hurt and love along the way.

9.Happiness is within you and can only come from you – If you are in a negative place in your life, and looking for happiness; no one else is going to make that happen. Temporarily they may be able to, but ultimately if you want to be in a better place no one else is going to do it for you. Find the things that make you happy. Regularly establish a new habit of raising your mood, using positive things and places that you make you happy, that nourish your soul.

10. Meet your needs – If your needs are met and fulfilled you will find it so much easier to meet and fulfil the needs of others in your life, your children, your partner etc. It’s OK to be a little bit selfish sometimes, as long as this doesn’t negatively impact those around you. If your needs are met and fulfilled you will be happier to help meet and fulfil the needs of those around you. Happiness breeds happiness and positivity breeds positivity. Be the sun in your life that shines out light to everyone around you and they will do the same for you.

Peace, love and happiness :-)

#mindful #positivity #happy #happiness